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I have been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered several challenges, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been repeatedly blindsided by people. Her husband left her, and it was a massive blow. Several of close acquaintances vanished during that time, since they had been drawn to the spouse. This surprised her. She made greater energy toward our bond, and must have understood better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several of her friends vanished and she isn't sure why. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, although she had been highly competent, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, both of us retired so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize my role in the relationship is as the audience. I start subjects and she changes them to what interests her. Politically, she holds firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been arranging a vacation to a nation I've visited many times and lived in for some time. I tried to share personal experiences, but this was not welcomed. She purely only wanted validation of her choices. I've just ended four weeks there she is eager to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, but I don't think she will ever understand the effect of how she acts on my self-esteem. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for working things out requires bravery and readiness for each of you.

Experts suggest applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step is to state the usual pattern during your discussions. Aim for this to be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. Step two is to express how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement on this point. What you feel are your feelings, after all. The third step is to question how you are both will alter the interaction of your friendship."

Consider she too has a point of view, so you need to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works involves stating your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's remarkably effective to encourage better communication.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss everything, for those who hold onto a deep-seated story: they rely on a narrative about themselves they cannot abandon because their very survival relies on it and it represents familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no easy route in such cases, mere obstacles. But she may initially present like this then consider your perspective. If you don't achieve an agreement, it will give you peace that you've been truthful.